Living in the wreckage of my imagined future…

My imagined future generally used to involve scenarios of lateness, inflexible meter maids, and dry boiled kettles. I had no idea that I was living with those images born of anxiety on my back, but they were ruling my present moment, every day, for oh about the first thirty three years of my life. The unconscious logic at work went that negatively anticipating outcomes would prepare me for anything and therefore I’d be ready, unflapped. Calm. Instead, I was living the quality of those imagined scenarios in the present. I might have well have stayed in crouch position wearing a helmet.

Expectation v. Intention: Equally unskillful was the iron-fisted determination to have a good day, to BE NICE to that rude person, or to wear a smile at all costs. This is the scary caricature of positive thinking. This is taking an intention and turning it into a white-knuckled expectation: ‘This meeting better work out or else I’ll know that I’m secretly meant to suffer and fail and it will be on your head, universe!’ Ahh, the bargains I’ve made!

An expectation as I’m describing it is rigid and contracted in energy, based in fear. An intention on the other hand, is something open, an imagined possibility I make room for among my practiced pessimisms, and then release. It’s got lots of room for anything to happen, and leaves the future to itself.

An intention is formed in the present moment, and it’s an opportunity to invite in the quality and experience I would choose for myself around a certain anticipated event, so I can connect with that quality, now.

For example, lets say I’m going to coach my favorite derelict teenagers across town, and my small self is dreading it. I’m betting they’ll be sullen or rude, and I’ll feel bad. So that’s the default wreckage I’m imagining for my future.  There’s also the option of expectation (those kids better be nice today, or by God I’m going to quit, or …), and thirdly, intention:

I invite into the present, as simply and openly as possible, a couple of qualities I’d love to experience during my time coaching these kids. An image of myself laughing, which makes me smile to think about. Qualities of ease, inspired and surprisingly sweet exchanges that I’m honored to be a part of. And then I release it, like dropping a pen or chucking a soda can out the car window (in the 70s). And that’s it.

Try it out by asking yourself:

How would I like to feel at the end of this task, phone call or meeting? Use all five of your senses. Turn it into a short mediation or journal about it.

If it feels fraught with unlikelihood, throw in the phrase: I’d be astonished to feel connected to that person, or to have resolved that email issue faster than I thought.

To be sure you’re keeping it open, you can always throw in ‘This or something better!’ at the end.