Playing Dumb

When I was a teenager, the adults I tended to trust were the ones who were able to say ‘I don’t know.’   In honor of those before me, these days I’m opting to play dumb. On a good day, I forgo the response ‘I know’ for ‘Wait, actually, what do you mean?’ Sample situations where dumbness comes in handy include waking up, brushing my teeth, asking for help, listening to a friend, teaching, being in an unknown situation (aka life), meditating, looking at art, spending time with family.

By dumbness, I don’t mean being a stone wall, ignoring someone, avoiding responsibility, lying or being insincere. You could say it’s being blank, or a happy fool even.  It involves the practice of these behaviors:

• Asking questions that aren’t rhetorical
• Saying ‘I don’t know,’ when I don’t know
• Using fewer words, more space
• Generally being open, like a question is open
• Avoiding superlatives meant to persuade or impress
• Welcoming being new at something
• Allowing for silence, even when it’s awkward
• Using plain language, short sentences
• Letting self and others off the hook often, from perfection
• Admitting fault in a straightforward way when indicated
• Letting the situation – the future – unfold by itself.

Dumbness looks at a situation afresh minus the tangle of assessment, narrative, caveat, and the other straggling mental threads.

Dumbness is being open.

Examples of applied dumbness:

TEACHING

Letting the silence stand until a student is compelled to respond – that I would call being effectively dumb.

MEDIATING

In mediation, as in coaching, the mediator doesn’t solve problems, doesn’t look at evidence, and doesn’t judge: she just facilitates the conversation. She  sticks to the simplest framework that works and lets the content develop on its own.  In this way,  those in dispute move the content themselves, often toward resolution.

COACHING

One client and I agreed to communicate for a few sessions like we were truckers: short, to the point, and in monosyllables. It took us right to the guts of things; the conserved energy brought a renewed power and focus to her insights.

ART MAKING

In my art studio, just arriving and sitting at my table is usually an effective way to begin. Maybe opening my notebook. The appropriate action simply follows when it’s ready to.

WALKING

While walking, just feeling my feet on the ground is another form of basic-ness, literally an experience of dirt or concrete, or bird, gust of wind or blaring horn – these don’t need the running commentary of my inner dialogue.

THINKING

That inner dialogue however, like a dear but neurotic friend, is incredibly hard to shake at times. So when it’s there, there’s generally no use fighting it, just make some space for it as if you’re a kind of a blank, open presence (to some what might appear dumb), and inevitably that dialogue runs out of things to say.

BEING

When I just am somewhere, I just am present there. When I am simply present, the most intricately effective solutions – brilliant solutions, have the space to show up. They are not forced through mental gymnastics – they arise. My thoughts take me away from such presence and basic senses – and as such, they obscure lovely insights.

The very being that you are is the truth.
Yes, you are the truth. If you look for it elsewhere, you will be deceived every time.
-E. Toale